4 words: hood of his car
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
