I showed him my bush... on skype.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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