I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
