Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
