I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
