friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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