I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
