I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
