who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
