Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
