All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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