I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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