i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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