I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
