there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
