I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
