ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
