Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
