Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
