I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
