upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
