Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
