I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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