great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
