First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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