She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
dude. I can hear the air.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
