Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
