can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he thought i was a dude.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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