Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
