woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
