That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
