I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
