ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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