PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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