I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
