Who did Billy Mays play for?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
