I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize