high people should be assigned attendants
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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