Tell her she can't have a vagina
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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