ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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