every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
