you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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