I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
