The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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