I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
