i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
