you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
