Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
