Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
