When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
