I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
