The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
