i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
