Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
