dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
