Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
