I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
