apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
