She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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