i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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