My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
