I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize