I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize