he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
MIDGETS
????
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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