Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
two words: eviction party
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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