He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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