I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize